Fashion Crisis

We artists are bound by certain fashion principles. Unfortunately this is generally dictated by the rules of hipsterism, especially while in grad school. There's no getting around it. Some of the reasons for this disease? I dunno, but sheer poverty is one. General self-aware nerdiness is another. And for us guys, there is one big reason for voluntarily making ourselves look ridiculous: masculinity, or lack thereof. See, artists don't seem to be perceived as very manly by the general public, so the principles of hipsterism give us a huge carte blanche to wear oversized keychains. They take on many forms - the biker, the janitorial, and the mountain climber-y carabiner styles are among the most popular. But something really big changes when one becomes a father. One becomes more responsible (hopefully) and gets a better job. Buys a better, safer car. And when said artist-father becomes father of two, the car gets upgraded again to something that can hold all the extra stuff. And usually that upgrade comes with "keyless" ignition, meaning instead of an old-fashioned key it has a little electronic thingy that starts the car. And this little electronic waste of a battery - well it looks stupid on a hipster keychain. It totally gives you away. You no longer belong in the hipster rank and file. Fashion crisis.